On Loneliness, Atheism, and Talking to Ants

Sometimes I feel that I'm quite lonely. Seldom do I like being alone, but the stage after that is the highest degree of loneliness.

When I think, “Why am I lonely?” most of the time my conclusion is that my style doesn't match that of my coevals, or they don't like me because I'm weak. When I like to be alone, maybe it's my conceit, or maybe it's my self-pride. I do feel like calling someone, but they don't answer ever. At times, the reply that I get from my peers and family members is, “Your friend is sleeping,” though their voice can be heard in the background.

At times, my gut feeling tells me that it's because my opinions differ from theirs that they don't like me. Perhaps it's because of my political views or my views on an invisible man. Of course, it's hard to live as an atheist in this world of believers in an invisible man.

At times, I also make an excuse for being lonely that I have more intellect than them, that all of them are fools, and that's why they dislike me. Or I even give myself the example of Socrates: people hated him; they killed him. (That's kinda low-key.)

I can't even pray to an invisible man who will always be there for me. That's the most devastating thing about my loneliness. I've found good friends, for example, an ant on my wall. Sometimes I talk to the ant in my mind. (You are free to think that I'm a fool.)

Or a good friend is a good dosa from a particular shop. And I have actually managed to make some good friends, but the sad part is that they're non-living—a good pen. I have many of them, and I spend my nights with them. There are some films, web series, or podcasts that are with me during my loneliest times.

But after all this, the question remains the same: Why am I lonely?

Maybe being hated by fools is the price you pay for not being one of them.

I am strong enough to take all this!