Content Advisory
This poem speaks to sexual assault and coercion, and the body's freeze response to fear. It is written with restraint, but the subject may be difficult. Please read it when you have the space for it.
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Anytime you've said yes,
Ask yourself why.
not the polite why, not the kind that sounds like a choice.
The real one. The one that makes your throat tighten.
Was it because you were afraid of what would happen
If you said no?
How many yeses
Were those actually negotiations?
How many were survival instincts wearing the costume of consent?
You tell yourself you wanted it.
You tell yourself you could have stopped it.
You remember in pieces,
the ceiling, the weight of a hand, the sound of your own breathing.
You search for the moment.
You should have spoken.
The moment you should have moved.
The moment that might have made it different.
But a body does not always fight when it is frightened.
Sometimes it freezes.
Sometimes it bargains.
Sometimes it says yes.
Because yes feels safer than finding out
What a no will cost.
So you count the times.
You surrendered because surrender felt safer
than refusal.
You weren't weak.
You were trying to leave the room, without having anywhere to go.
Perhaps you were never afraid of saying no.
Perhaps you were afraid of what would remain of the room once you finally did.
